4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to
wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Colossians 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger,
lest they be discouraged.
I’ve read repeatedly that the worse type of parenting isn’t
too strict or too lenient but inconsistent. If your child doesn’t know what to
expect from you at any given moment you’re inconsistent. If father and mother
aren’t unified in their parenting they are inconsistent. If your rules change
regularly based purely on your whim and mood you are inconsistent. In fact,
with regard to basing your disciplining of your child on your mood of the
moment, you are a tyrant.
Raising a child in those frustrating circumstances will often
lead to bad behavior, anger, resentment, and wrath in the young person.
The contrast here, though, is between provoking your children
to wrath and raising them in the Lord’s nurture and admonition. What is the
nurture of the Lord? Obviously, it is raising them with a clear and consistent
witness from the Scriptures. You, as a parent, look at your child and imagine
the kind of adult you want them to be from your understanding of God’s will for
their lives in the Bible. Then, you be that person.
Let the child see the example of a Christian father and feed
the child, teaching him or her to feed themselves on God’s word. Give them a
joy for God’s words because you have that joy, unite with other believers in
worship regularly, and live a Godly life before them. Your actions before your
child will speak more surely, go deeper in their hearts, and last longer than your words will. God said to Israel;
Deuteronomy 6:4 ¶ Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD:
5 And thou shalt love the LORD thy God
with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. 6 And these words, which I command thee this
day, shall be in thine heart: 7 And thou
shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou
sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest
down, and when thou risest up.
The Christian culture in America is evil because it is so
superficial. Many children I know who were “raised in church,” saw no power of
God in their parents’ lives and saw little but hypocrisy in the church. Adults
acted one way in the church building but were completely different in the
street.
I’ve heard young people who walked away from their faith
express that very thing as being the reason. God doesn’t want you to attend a
social club, a conservative society that simply offers your children a “safe”
place to be for a couple of hours a week. He wants a living, vital, and
Spirit-filled church for your family. Youth groups and children’s ministries
cannot substitute for imparting a love for Christ and His words that will
sustain your child for life.
Fathers have to be physically available to raise their
children. It is not merely the mother’s job to raise children. If you have
employment that takes you away from your family for days or weeks at a time I
would say to you that financial prosperity is not a substitute for being a
parent.
Father’s have to be emotionally available to raise their
children. Many Christian fathers are there but yet, not there, either for their
wives or their children. The cares of this world, hobbies, and ambition engage
their minds and there is no time in their heart life either for God, their
wives, or their children unless they can spare a few minutes to say a formula
prayer with a child before bread or a few hours on Sunday morning going to
church as a duty.
Your hot temper and your fear of the world, the “gubmint,” or
“those people,” whomever those people happen to be today is going to express
itself in a way that creates an angry, wrathful child and when they leave you. Departing
even from the faith with which you raised them they may refer to your fear and
paranoia as two of the reasons.
Your temper, Christian fathers, is perhaps your worst
parenting fault.
Proverbs 15:18 A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he
that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.
Proverbs 16:32 He that is slow to anger is better than the
mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.
Proverbs 19:11 The discretion of a man deferreth his anger;
and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.
The father is the pastor of the family. It is his duty to
bring his children to church, to read the Bible to them daily, to pray with
them daily, and to teach them God’s word. If your children only hear God’s word
taught when they come to a church meeting you aren’t doing your job. If you
raised your children without that and they turned out well then praise God for
His mercy not yourself for your irresponsibility.
A Christian father disciplines his child. He does not punish.
A Christian father provides boundaries and guidance. He does not simply respond
when he’s annoyed or embarrassed. A Christian father sets an example for his
child. He never says, “do as I say, not as I do.”
A Christian father
determines what kind of person he believes the Lord wants his child to be and
then the father becomes that person.
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