22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own
husbands, as unto the Lord.
It would be simple to say that in order to understand this
all you would have to do is to apply
what I just pointed out in the last verse to this one. But, there are
two very important things to note here; one implied by the text and one
literally in the verses following. First, the Holy Spirit makes note on several
occasions that a wife should submit herself to her OWN husband.
Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own
husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
1Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your
own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be
won by the conversation of the wives;
The implication here is for proper, moral order in the Lord.
The role of a husband and wife is unique and has a special place in God’s
order. A wife expresses a deference and respect, a humility and non-judgmental
attitude to her husband that goes beyond the kind of submission expressed in
verse 21, as you can see by, “as unto the Lord.” It is a special relationship
that is essentially different than the relationship between any woman in the
congregation and any man.
Literally, this verse begins an explanation that shows that
the relationship between a husband and wife is to reflect the relationship
between Christ and His church. This relationship in no way from the definition
of submission revealed in verse 21 means that the wife should be a mute, pack
animal with no more say in her’s and her husband’s business than the family
dog.
Fundamentalists who would trumpet the following verses as
proof that a woman has nothing to say and shouldn’t say it in the assembly and
those prominent Fundamentalist pastors who won’t even permit a woman to offer a
testimony in church…..
1Corinthians14:34 Let your women keep silence in the churches:
for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under
obedience, as also saith the law. 35 And
if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a
shame for women to speak in the church.
1Timothy 2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all
subjection. 12 But I suffer not a woman
to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
….will completely ignore the following verses as not being
significant in the least.
2Kings 22:14 So
Hilkiah the priest, and Ahikam, and Achbor, and Shaphan, and Asahiah, went unto
Huldah the prophetess, the wife of Shallum the son of Tikvah, the son of
Harhas, keeper of the wardrobe; (now she dwelt in Jerusalem in the college;)
and they communed with her.
15 And she said unto them, Thus saith the LORD
God of Israel, Tell the man that sent you to me,
Judges 4:4 And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of
Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time.
Or the verse that some commentators insist is on the Millennial
reign of Christ to come by linking it to Isaiah 43:19;
Jeremiah 31:22 How long wilt thou go about, O thou
backsliding daughter? for the LORD hath created a new thing in the earth, A
woman shall compass a man.
Romans 16:1 ¶ I commend unto you Phebe our sister, which is
a servant of the church which is at Cenchrea: 2
That ye receive her in the Lord, as becometh saints, and that ye assist
her in whatsoever business she hath need of you: for she hath been a succourer
of many, and of myself also.
And those Fundamentalists who regard their wives as having no
needs of importance or any opinions of any value will tiptoe around the
following verses;
Deuteronomy 24:5 When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall
not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall
be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife
which he hath taken.
Genesis 21:12 And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be
grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all
that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy
seed be called.
Unfortunately, misogyny, or contempt for women, is endemic
among people who consider themselves fundamentalist and, sadly, even the women
often play into this by assuming, not merely a role of submission toward their
husbands but passivity and inaction.
Let me ask you. Do you think Christ holds His bride in
contempt and low regard? Why would He die for someone He viewed as something He
found on the bottom of His sandal?
1Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them
according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel,
and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not
hindered.
Husbands are to give honor to their wives, remembering always
that they are physically weaker, and that you and her are heirs together, or
co-heirs in God’s grace, lest your prayers be hindered by your contempt for
God’s order.
(The vessel is a reference to the physical body not the
culturally programmed condition of being emotionally unsteady.
1Thessalonians 4:4 That every one of you should know how to
possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;
…If you are foolish enough to think that women aren’t
emotionally strong then I would suggest expanding your horizons by reading
about the lives of pioneer women in the American west or perhaps listening to
some of the life stories of women in the congregation. Assuming that all women
are on the verge of passing a fan in front of their eyes and declaring they
feel a case of “the vapors” coming on is a sign of ignorance and arrogance).
A wife’s focus of her submission should be to her own husband
and not just every man. The relationship between them is to reflect the
relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. They must also remember
that they are partners with their husband, co-heirs in the grace of life as
Peter stated with both Adam and Eve originally sharing in the image of God.
Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the
image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
The fact that God has assigned different roles, different
duties, and different responsibilities to man and woman in biological life and
in the church itself does not imply or state an inferiority on the part of women
to men.
Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is
neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in
Christ Jesus.
That being said, the wife who denigrates, humiliates, or
despises her husband is most certainly not submitting to him as unto the Lord
any more than the husband who holds his wife in contempt. When the ladies get
together to have coffee or go shopping it is not consistent with a Christian
witness to tear down your husband any more than it is consistent with a
Christian witness for a husband to rip up his wife when he’s out with his
friends.
We, the church, have a lot of freedom in Christ. He is not
standing here or has not sent an angel, a representative of Himself, to direct
the worship service. A husband who has a wife in submission to him, as unto the
Lord, can trust that his wife won’t embarrass him by her behavior in public and
that whatever she does it will be in both of their best interests. Interestingly,
the same goes of a husband doing right. The husband and wife who put the Lord
first in their lives will fall easily into the pattern that God has set for
them.
Sadly, besides sin, the thing that seems to catch most
couples and ruin them is money. One person hiding how much the family brings
in, refusing to be accountable and transparent in their financial dealings that
concern each other, is a great strain on a marriage. The wife who spends the
family money like it grows on the proverbial tree out back doesn’t help. There
is as much or more of a need for unity in a marriage as there is in a church
body.
Martin Bucer, one of the lights from the Reformation era five hundred
years ago, said, "There is no true marriage without a true assent of hearts between those
who make the agreement," and marriage is accordingly "a contract not
only of body and of goods but also of the soul."
Great is the wife who will praise her husband. Great is the
husband worthy of praise. Let no disparaging words proceed out of your mouths
downgrading, insulting, or verbally abusing your husband. Let your husband know
that he can have full trust in your character, your devotion to him, your
responsibility, and your faith in Christ.
Be an example for him of faith and devotion to Christ,
remembering that “conversation” can be behavior. Although the following verse
is about an unsaved husband remember that you can have a great impact on a
saved husband headed in the wrong direction.
1Peter 3:1¶ Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your
own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be
won by the conversation of the wives; 2
While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
Pray for your husband’s decisions. I know that God can change
minds if your prayer is sincere. I have seen that personally. Try to follow the
plan of submission for the church outlined in verse 21 remembering the unique
qualities of the submission of a wife to her husband, as a picture of the
church’s relationship to Christ. One of your primary actions, women, if you
want to be a good wife, a wife of whom your husband can be blessed by, is to
let God speak to you every day through His words in His Book. A wife who has no
time for God and makes no effort to let the Saviour speak to her each and every
day, reading or listening to His word plainly without man’s commentary, will
probably not want to hear what her husband has to say either. If you are not in
submission to Christ you certainly won’t be to your husband. A wife who is not
a Bible reader or hearer daily will probably only be a help worthy for her
husband by forcing herself and she will still mutter and complain in her heart.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even
as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto
Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Remember, I said there are different roles assigned,
generally as I know there are special circumstances that create notable
exceptions, to men and women, husband and wife? Well, I have an important thing
to tell you. If a man doesn’t run the home, lead the family, or act as the head
then he will ruin it. It’s generally in man’s nature to do that.
The husband is to be the spiritual leader of the home. That’s
his position, his job. He may not BE the most spiritual, he may not have the
most understanding, but it is his job to accompany his family to church not to
drop them off at the door on Sunday morning. It is his job to lead the family
in prayer and Bible reading and study daily or, at least regularly. The father
is the pastor of the family and should act accordingly.
The wife and husband should be able to talk about spiritual
issues, the Bible, the spiritual growth of their children and their own. The
man who is not the pastor of the family, will simply be a petty tyrant, barking
orders and making himself the center of the universe in his pride, certainly
imitating Satan more than Christ.
This is the order that God has set in place for Christians in
all matters spiritual or otherwise. Husband, wife, then children, if any. If
that gets out of whack somehow chaos ensues. Come on, men, do you pray with
your wives daily, or at least regularly? Do you talk about the Bible, about
God’s will, or are you concerned with your spiritual growth in Christ? Do you
strive for the unity in the home between yourself and your wife that Christ
wants in the church?
Does your headship in the home consist of simply demanding in
pride like Satan or does it involve living sacrificially as Christ would have
you do. Christ saved the church, His body. What have you done? How are you
living before your wife?
I know it’s hard for a poor man to act as the head of his
family. I am aware of the emphasis on money in America. We have twisted the Bible
into saying that money, not charity, covers a multitude of sins. But, the poor
man can fill his proper position in the family with the Holy Spirit’s guidance
through the daily reading of and submission to God’s words in His Book.
In the days before Capitalism in America, before there was
even a bank, the family, as I have noted before, was the basic unit of
production. Families, under the authority of the father, particularly in rural
areas, had to be as self-sustaining as possible and make things to sell if the
markets were close enough. In England, before the Industrial Revolution, every
cottage was a little factory. Families made products to sell in the market from
clothing to leather goods along with the excess produce of their farm. Husband
and wife did not go to work outside the home except in dire circumstances.
It is different today. Our economic system, our Mammon,
expects at least one, if not both husband and wife to pursue outside
employment. This takes the man away from the daily operation of the home now,
which doesn’t produce anything to sell anyway, and often, due to economic
circumstances the wife must make up for what her husband cannot and place
herself under the authority of another man or woman if she is not self-employed.
Contrary to many preachers’ opinions this is not always the result of the
couple wanting a home at the beach or boat on the lake but simple economic
necessity for survival. In any event this condition places a great strain on
the marriage. The couple immersing themselves in God’s word and having a
regular participation with other believers in worship is essential for a Godly
and successful marriage.
Most Fundamentalists are more concerned with form than with
substance. Their idle and godless talk is often about who bosses who around.
They have no concern for unity or a Godly marriage where Christ is the head of
the home and both seek to please Him. Their concern is with control, not trust,
not love, not being co-heirs in the grace of life, not mutual respect, just
being in charge. Radical feminism and violent, domestic abuse are two monsters
God has unleashed on American Christians for their apostasy as He unleashed
Assyria and Babylon on Israel and Judah for theirs.
25 Husbands, love your
wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with
the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a
glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it
should be holy and without blemish.
“Even as Christ also loved the church.” Christ died for His
bride and rose again for her. What have you done for your bride?
Christ sets the church apart and cleanses it by His words in
His Book. Do you let God speak to you each and every day through His words in
His Book and encourage your bride to do the same? The end goal is to glorify
His church with Him, a Holy, perfect church. If the word is central to the
church He is constantly working toward that end. Are you constantly working
toward that end of encouraging your wife’s walk in Christ?
The end result of your marriage should not be less than what
it was when you first loved her. It should be greater. Your love for your wife
should grow not diminish. Youthful beauty of man and woman dies after a short
time but spiritual beauty can grow for a lifetime and never die.
How, husbands, are you living in front of your wife and do
you have, as Christ does for His church, her best interests at heart and want,
more than anything, to draw her closer to you? Or, is your pleasure, your
entertainment, your busy-to-do list more important than her joy, her
fulfillment, her spiritual growth, and her happiness?
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own
bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but
nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh,
and of his bones. 31 For this cause
shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and
they two shall be one flesh.
Would it were that this was the case in all Christian
marriages where the husband loved his wife as his own self, nurtured and cared
for her as he would care for his very own body. A wife is nourished and
cherished by love, trust, honor, and devotion as the Lord has cared for His
church. The church is a part of Christ. Your wife is a part of you. Remember
that Eve came from Adam’s own body, the first example of cloning, in a way.
Never permit anyone, even family members, to disrespect your
wife. Christ has defended His church against the gates of Hell itself, against
the great Slanderer, the Enemy, Satan. Is it too much to ask to defend your
bride if your marriage is to be like the church of God?
I have known several married men who have never left their
mother’s apron strings and whose wives were treated as almost an intruder
between mother and son. This is wickedness and confusion. They compare
everything their wife does in an inferior manner with every perfect thing their
mother did and the wife can never measure up. Their own marriage is a
non-starter, so to speak.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak
concerning Christ and the church.
Paul has said in plain English that he is comparing the
relationship between a husband and wife to Christ and the church. There can be
no confusion in this. Think of what Christ has done for the church and think of
how the church is to respond to Christ. Christ saved the church and nourishes
it. The church represents Christ in the world, uplifting Him.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in
particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she
reverence her husband.
Paul sums it all up with calling on the husband and the wife
to do specific things. This is not possible without Christ being at the center
of the marriage and the couple permitting Him to speak to their spiritual hearts
through His Bible each day.
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