1Samuel
20:18 Then Jonathan said to David, To
morrow is the new moon: and thou shalt be missed, because thy seat will be
empty.
It’s okay to cry in church. Jesus wept. He knows our
pain.
There is no one here, if they have lived long enough,
who has not suffered the loss of someone they loved dearly, sometimes abruptly
and unexplainably, leaving their hearts shattered into a thousand jagged
pieces.
We talk about how we’ll see them again and how they
are in a better place and I do think we believe that but they aren’t here with
us. We won’t see their smile again or feel their hug and rely on their strength
if they were our rock, their youthful exuberance, their wisdom and experience
if older, or even their need for our care anymore in this life if we cared for
them in sickness or old age. They are not here with us in body. We are grieving
and we are sad.
We wonder what a young person would have done if they
had lived. We imagine the family they would make, their career, their passions,
their joys, or even what would have made them laugh or cry. Maybe we see
someone out of the corner of our eye who isn’t there anymore. Maybe we catch
ourselves about to call out to them. Maybe we see a flower they loved in bloom
or a beautiful sunrise they would have loved and think we should tell them only
to, in that instant, realize they aren’t there.
I want to talk about the empty chair in your house, at
your table, on your deck, or in your den. I am going to talk about an empty
chair in my life. When it’s over I hope you will understand that whatever the
nature of your grief God understands and empathizes with you, cares for how you
feel, and does not dismiss your feelings even though he’s standing there, in a
manner of speaking, with your loved one watching, and waiting for you. And we need to wait on and trust
in him.
First, let’s understand something that Paul made
clear.
Romans
5:12 Wherefore, as by one man sin
entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for
that all have sinned:
Death is part of the judgment on mankind and by extension
on all created life.
Romans
8:22 For we know that the whole creation
groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now.
Why? Because one man and one woman learned what the
Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil could offer them in their disobedience
to God. It was something that was never intended for life which God created.
This was death brought on by our first ancestor’s sin, their disobedience to
God’s simple command. They broke fellowship with him and we’ve inherited their
sin nature.
Look, death is not only ever-present and, in spite of
our attempts to sterilize it with hospitals, nursing homes, and drugs to put us
in a coma it still is a huge specter in our biological lives. One reason Christ
came was to deliver us from it.
Hebrews
2:14 ¶ Forasmuch then as the children
are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the
same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that
is, the devil; 15 And deliver them who
through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage.
What really hurts about this judgment, and death is a judgment on all creation for our
sin, is that no person is exempt from it. Look at this man of God, Elisha.
2Kings
13:14 Now Elisha was fallen sick of his
sickness whereof he died. And Joash the king of Israel came down unto him, and
wept over his face, and said, O my father, my father, the chariot of Israel,
and the horsemen thereof.
Wait a minute! Why? Why did this great man of God who
pleased God have to die? Couldn’t he have been translated/raptured like Enoch
or taken away like Elijah, his mentor?
What about this obedient man of God?
1Kings
14:2 And Jeroboam said to his wife,
Arise, I pray thee, and disguise thyself, that thou be not known to be the wife
of Jeroboam; and get thee to Shiloh: behold, there is Ahijah the prophet, which
told me that I should be king over this people...4 And Jeroboam’s wife did so, and arose, and
went to Shiloh, and came to the house of Ahijah. But Ahijah could not see; for
his eyes were set by reason of his age.
You see, even God’s people are under this judgment in
their flesh. Why? Why can’t we be exempt?
1Corinthians
15:35 ¶ But some man will say, How are
the dead raised up? and with what body do they come? 36 Thou fool, that which thou sowest is not
quickened, except it die: 37 And that
which thou sowest, thou sowest not that body that shall be, but bare grain, it
may chance of wheat, or of some other grain: 38
But God giveth it a body as it hath pleased him, and to every seed his
own body. 39 All flesh is not the same
flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another
of fishes, and another of birds. 40
There are also celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial: but the glory
of the celestial is one, and the glory of the terrestrial is another. 41 There is one glory of the sun, and another
glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from
another star in glory. 42 So also is the
resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption; it is raised in
incorruption: 43 It is sown in dishonour;
it is raised in glory: it is sown in weakness; it is raised in power: 44 It is sown a natural body; it is raised a
spiritual body. There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body. 45 And so it is written, The first man Adam was
made a living soul; the last Adam was made a quickening spirit. 46 Howbeit that was not first which is
spiritual, but that which is natural; and afterward that which is spiritual.
47 The first man is of the earth,
earthy: the second man is the Lord from heaven. 48 As is the earthy, such are they also that are
earthy: and as is the heavenly, such are they also that are heavenly. 49 And as we have borne the image of the earthy,
we shall also bear the image of the heavenly. 50 Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood
cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.
51 ¶
Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all
be changed, 52 In a moment, in the
twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the
dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. 53 For this corruptible must put on
incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. 54 So when this corruptible shall have put on
incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be
brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.
55 O death, where is thy sting? O grave,
where is thy victory? 56 The sting of
death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God, which giveth us the
victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
You cannot get there in this body of flesh. You have
to leave it behind. Unless the Lord calls you out you will die.
Ecclesiastes
8:8 There is no man that hath power over
the spirit to retain the spirit; neither hath he power in the day of death: and
there is no discharge in that war; neither shall wickedness deliver those that
are given to it.
Some of us have lost a loved one, a cherished one, a
beloved one to old age, to sickness even when the doctors said they were
getting better, to accident, even to violent death or suicide. If we admit it,
we were crushed, in shock, disbelieving that it had happened, and heartbroken.
There was a rip in the universe, time stood still, and nothing, not even the
sun rising in the morning, made any sense for a time. And in time, the pain
changed. It never goes away, it never can, but it does change and the sharpness
by God’s mercy isn’t quite as jagged as it was.
I never understood, as a young person, how much a baby
could change your life. When my daughter, Bridget, was born, well, it was an
amazing time to me. I was fascinated by her. I was not a good parent, though. I
behaved terribly in the world and had a particularly rotten character. I also
did not provide the spiritual guidance she needed or set the example that a
parent is supposed to set. I encouraged bad behavior on her part as she grew because
I thought it made her tougher, which it did not. I adored her and I enabled her
and I did not give her what she needed as an example either as a person or
spiritually.
Bridget was rejected by her biological mother, not
once, but twice, and her father, me, was too selfish and blind to steer her in
the right direction or to comfort her in her heartfelt sorrow of life. One day,
at the age of 17, she killed herself. She was pretty, very intelligent, and
outgoing but she had no root, no foundation in life that could sustain her.
I wrote this poem after her death, a poor attempt to
express my overwhelming grief and sorrow as my heart was shattered into a
thousand shards of glass never to be put back together as any parent who has
lost a child knows.
The house is silent, the
room is cold,
And I am feeling very old,
There is no future, no
plans
to last,
But only hard memories of
the
past,
For days that are no
more.
I clutch the bag that holds the clothes,
Close to my chest in sobbing throes,
I call her name so
mournfully,
And pray to God so carefully,
For days that are no more.
The ones she wore that
awful night,
When darkness overcame the light,
And hanging tree became
the
end,
Of promise on which we did
depend,
For days that are no more.
Baby born with eyes so bright,
Held so tender through
the night,
And laughed at daddy's dancing fool,
A little girl sent off to school,
For days that are no
more.
Of love and hugs and kisses brief,
Of holding hands and
missing
teeth,
Reading stories, telling
jokes,
And laughing over tickle pokes,
For days that are no more.
Sleepy nights and playful
days,
Grandpa's love and hideaways,
Pestering brothers to
catch their eye,
And pushing sister to make her cry,
For days that are no more.
Oh, daddy are you hungry
dear,
Oh, daddy do I see a tear,
Oh, daddy you'd like a
drink
perhaps,
Or maybe for Bridget to
sit on your lap,
For Days that are no more.
When you are old I'll care for you,
And when she's old, mommy
too,
I'll buy a house right next to yours,
And I promise this, you'll ne'er be poor.
For days that are no more.
Of baptismal fount and
heart's confession,
Little people can hear the lessons,
Running, jumping, leaping, laughing,
Learn to ride, fall down crashing,
For days that are no
more.
As child grows into womanhood,
A dark cloud, a misty
mood,
Consumes the heart of precious child,
And turns to pain every mile.
For days that are no
more.
And still the lovely girl is there.
With laughing eyes and
golden
hair,
But one day she is no
more,
As darkness smites upon the door.
For days that are no
more.
My heart is ripped and opened wide,
No light enters my twisted mind,
I stumble crying in
tortured
grief,
With naught but memories
of dancing feet,
And days that are no more.
We don’t have a lot of information on heaven. It’s not
the main subject of the Bible because the main subject of the Bible is God’s
revelation of his ministry of reconciliation for man, to bring back to him
whosoever will. We don’t know what kind of reunion we’re going to have or what
kind of relationship we will have with our loved ones in eternity.
2Corinthians
12:1 ¶ It is not expedient for me
doubtless to glory. I will come to visions and revelations of the Lord. 2 I knew a man in Christ above fourteen years
ago, (whether in the body, I cannot tell; or whether out of the body, I cannot
tell: God knoweth;) such an one caught up to the third heaven. 3 And I knew such a man, (whether in the body,
or out of the body, I cannot tell: God knoweth;) 4 How that he was caught up into paradise, and
heard unspeakable words, which it is not lawful for a man to utter.
1Corinthians
2:9 But as it is written, Eye hath not
seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things
which God hath prepared for them that love him.
Perhaps someone you loved dearly won’t be there like
you hope, but I assure you God will give you understanding and you will accept
his will.
Better yet, you
can imagine your spouse, sister, your son, your brother, you daughter, your
mother, your father or someone else greeting you with open arms.
2Samuel
12:23 But now he is dead, wherefore
should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not
return to me.
What are we to do? In this body of flesh, the body of
this death? We read Job and God does not explain to Job why he lost his family,
his property, and his health for a season. The message is that Job must just
trust that God has it under control no matter what. Just trust God.
What about the young Hebrew men threatened by
Nebuchadnezzar? They acknowledged that God could save them but even if he
didn’t they wouldn’t commit idolatry to save their lives.
Daniel
3:17 If it be so, our God whom we serve
is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us
out of thine hand, O king. 18 But if
not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor
worship the golden image which thou hast set up.
God has all things in his hand and all things are done
in his time. We must wait on him and trust in him. That is all we have besides
memories. It is enough.
He is beyond our finite understanding.
Deuteronomy
29:29 The secret things belong unto the
LORD our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our
children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law.
Isaiah
57:15 For thus saith the high and lofty
One that inhabiteth eternity, whose name is Holy; I dwell in the high and holy
place, with him also that is of a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the
spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones.
Psalm
145:3 Great is the LORD, and greatly to
be praised; and his greatness is unsearchable.
Ecclesiastes
3:11 He hath made every thing beautiful
in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find
out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
Romans
11:33 O the depth of the riches both of
the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his
ways past finding out!
Will you see your beloved child, spouse, parent,
sibling, or friend again? I can’t tell you that. It is a terrible thing for
someone to die and leave others uncertain of their destiny. But, it happens all
the time. I was blessed in that I had assurance that a little girl was saved on
October 12, 1990.
All out of character for a little seven-year-old
Bridget asked her step-mother to pray with her to receive Christ. We didn’t
want to push her into making that decision which perplexed her so one day she
simply asked, “don’t you want me to go to heaven?” So, she prayed, confessing
her belief to God. She then got up in church on her own and walked to the front
to tell the pastor she believed and wanted to be baptized. She went to the
meeting with the deacon on her own to confirm that she knew what she believed.
She went through the baptism. It was a joyous time for me and an incredible one
for all of those things were out of character for her if you knew her. I
realized that God had a hand in her actions regarding faith in Christ.
Over time, the world, bad examples from her elders
(except for her step-mother who always remained a rock and a spiritual mentor),
and poor decisions of her own dimmed her faith. She still showed signs of her
belief, though, and others told me she never stopped believing. Those words and
that hope I have to hold onto. After her death her sister, Marcie, bloomed, and
I’m so proud of her, now out of the shadow of Bridget’s powerful personality,
and went on to organize concerts for suicide awareness, have her own family,
and even get advanced college degrees for her own success in the world.
Asleep, I dreamed dreams of Bridget, in which she had
her own family, which I met at a picnic once. Very strange. Her stepmother had
one where Bridget told her she was alright and when Beth said she needed to
tell me and woke up Bridget, of course, was gone.
In the end, we must pray, wait, and trust. In the end,
there is nothing left for us to do. But we must have hope.
Romans
8: 38 For I am persuaded, that neither
death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things
present, nor things to come, 39 Nor
height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from
the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
The empty chair calls out to us. It raises the
question for even the most militant atheist, is there something more, something
beyond, and will I see them again? We talk about the mythical “rainbow bridge”
for animals we loved and about how our loved ones have gone to a better place
and how we’ll see them again. There is always hope in the human heart, hope for
a reunion.
We Bible-believers who are learning to trust God and
to have confidence in His mercy and in His kindness and in His eternal promises
look to seeing the one who sat in that empty chair again.
Isaiah 64:4 For since the
beginning of the world men have
not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside
thee, what he hath prepared for
him that waiteth for him.
We are called to trust God. He calls us to trust Him
and wait on Him. He is our hope, our confidence, and our expectation. Believe
through His love that one day we will be reunited. I want to finish with some
verses I mentioned before, promises for the future.
Revelation
21:3 And I heard a great voice out of
heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell
with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them,
and be their God. 4 And God shall wipe
away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither
sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things
are passed away.
Have faith. Trust God. Pray for mercy.
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