I
want to discuss two definitions of family and the blood that connects them
both. I want to talk about those definitions and blood. Yes, blood. Our blood
that connects us to our loved ones and Christ’s blood that connects us to our
Creator are worthy of thought.
The
first definition of a family is that a family consists of people with whom you
share blood or who live together under a roof even if they are not related. You
know; genes, DNA, blood. It is typically made up of a mother, a father, and
children that issued from them. In past times when men died young and women
died in childbirth often it would consist of step-children, half-children,
adopted children, and blood children. In modern times, this is the normal way
of families by choice as people get divorced and change spouses as often as
they change fashions, or so it can seem. But, family also consists of
step-children, half-children, adopted children, and blood children with a
parent or with two parents or sometimes another relative or relatives all
living together or united by having lived together at some point.
It’s
a mistake to downplay the importance of blood. I made that mistake and it has
hurt me and took the life of someone I loved dearly. Let me explain. I didn’t
think of blood as being very important a long time ago. I grew up in a family
that did little but fight and argue with parents that were unaccepting of me
and each other, even though they bestowed material blessings on each other and
myself abundantly. Also, I was never very popular, due to my personality maybe,
among the majority of my extended family of cousins, aunts, and uncles and even
grandparents. So, for me, a family had to be a choice, not something that
happened to you by accident. I had two biological daughters and I loved my
daughters but I lacked that sense of duty that my grandfather told my mother
once was the reason he was hospitable to us; it was his duty, he said. I just
didn’t get it like most people do. Most people regard blood as very important.
I still have trouble with that. My experiences with blood relations had not
been, well, very satisfying and I freely take the blame for much of that as I
am not an easy person to like.
So,
to me, when I met Beth, and fell in love, marrying a woman with 9 kids wasn’t a
sacrifice. I didn’t leap over something or have to ignore anything. I wasn’t
worried about what my kids wouldn’t have or about any possible conflicts. I
loved Beth and, in my fallible way, I loved her children, particularly the ones
that took to me right away so it was no sacrifice or tough decision to marry
her.
However,
there was one thing I was missing. That was how important blood or not being
blood would be to those children and my own, and my birth family. Now,
understand I was a bit of tyrant or a grouch and was neither a good step-parent
or parent from the position of what I know now so I had other issues with my
parenting than just ignorance. One step-son eventually said in retrospect that
I acted more like an angry employee than a father and he was right.
My
oldest biological daughter grew up in an environment where I repeated my own
father’s mistakes, as I seemed to stew in confusion and anger most of the time
when I didn’t have a beer in my hand. On top of all that my daughter craved a
relationship with her biological mother. This mother rejected her twice and
threatened her life once for not calling her “mommy.” Beth was her step-mother
and my daughter was the one who actually proposed that I marry Beth and kept
asking, as a three year old, “When us gettin’ married?” but when she got older
she still longed to know and be loved and accepted by a biological mother who
simply did not want her, regardless of my daughter’s love for her, and took her
frustration at not getting that acceptance from her birth mother out on Beth.
That lack of feeling on my part and my lack of understanding of how badly my
oldest daughter and my step-sons needed their biological parent who shared
their gender and their DNA simply showed my own callousness and weakness of
mind and heart.
But,
even if I had been a wonderful person, a great father-figure, and a true
encourager and supporter of my children and step-children, it would have been
incumbent upon me and it is important for every parent, step-parent, and
adoptive parent not to be angry or hurt when a child seeks out some kind of
closure or acceptance from a biological parent, no matter what a jerk or what a
worthless loser they might be. Do not underestimate the power of blood. If you
ignore it that will be to your detriment and to the harm of your children, and
not all of them will feel this way, but to the harm of your children and
step-children who feel that need to connect, at least for closure, and possibly
for acceptance with that biological parent.
Just
think of the issues of blood in recent history; the Turkish massacre of the
Armenians in WWI, the Holocaust, racial slavery and Jim Crow laws in the U.S.,
a Civil War where brother fought brother and father fought against son,
Bosnian-Serbian atrocities, and even the Hatfields and McCoys. You’re not in my
tribe. You’re not my blood. You’re an OTHER. On and on, blood causes issues.
Anger. Rage. Murder even. But definitely pain. Remember David made a great
slaughter of the Geshurites. See 1Samuel 27:8,9. He took the daughter of the
king, made her his wife, and had a son, Absalom, by her. A son by another wife
raped Absalom’s sister and Absalom killed him and fled to his maternal family’s
protection. Forty years after the initial massacre, and people are always arguing
about what that forty years means but it seems obvious to me, Absalom returned
and rebelled (2Samuel 15:7 and context) against David causing great sorrow and
pain for David, nearly costing him his kingdom and his life. This was permitted
by God because David committed adultery with Bathsheba and murdered her
husband, Uriah, by the sword of the Ammonites. We all know the story. Blood is
important.
I
only recently learned this. Years after my daughter’s suicide things started to
come clear. My mother, in a way, rejected my surviving biological daughter, her
children, and my step-children and none of the latter want anything to do with
her as she sits in a home for the elderly. Beth explained to me how my oldest
daughter needed some kind of closure with her biological mother, some kind of
acceptance and that final rejection, not long before she committed suicide, was
probably a cause, one cause, of her final act. I didn’t get it, though.
I
went through a lot of questioning, trying to understand why my daughter wanted
so badly to be accepted by a mother who rejected her and also why my stepsons
needed to connect with their biological extended family who had not been
involved in their lives. I just didn’t get it. Finally, I read a story on the
internet about a step-father who provided everything for his step-daughter,
trying to buy his place to replace her father who was worthless. When she
wanted her biological father to give her away at her wedding the step-father
was paying for he exploded and canceled everything he was doing and left the
girl and her mother. He was not appreciated or respected for his efforts. I
thought, what an idiot, what a selfish dolt, to not respect the power of blood
and the need for his step-daughter to be walked down the aisle, to be approved
of, to have her life’s choice affirmed by her blood Dad. Then, I cried. That
man was me or could have been. What I realized was that I had been as blind as
the man I was condemning, and just as stupid. Blood is important even though I
have pretty great relationship with most of my step-children. Some even love me.
I have a good relationship with most of them and they have all been very kind
and generous to me, plus, they have all turned out to be really good people
thanks to God and their mother. My remaining biological daughter, whom I am
very proud of, loves only Beth as her mother and never had an attachment to her
biological mother who did not want her either.
Now,
let’s look at another definition of family. In one regard, a family consists of
people who share your blood and a family can consist of people who would shed their blood for you.
Numerous studies have been done and books even written about how in combat,
soldiers don’t give their lives for the flag, the Constitution, apple pie, or
mom. They give their lives for their comrades. The surviving heroes often say
they just wanted the guys they were with to be able to go home. Soldiers who
come home can get stressed out and even go berserk thinking of the guilt they
have for leaving their buddies back in harm’s way or even surviving while
others who they think of as good or better than they are died and they didn’t.
It tears them up. That is a powerful family that war can create.
In
English Literature there are few greater declarations of shed blood and shared
blood outside of the Bible than Shakespeare’s play Henry V and the famous St. Crispin’s Day speech that preluded the
Battle of Agincourt where he rallied the outnumbered English against a superior
French army. In it, King Henry says,
“…We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he
to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my
brother…”
We
must also remember that we are in the family of God by virtue of Christ
shedding His blood on the Cross for us. We are united by blood, but His, not
ours. You can have 20 children, physical children, but the only ones who will
go to Heaven are the ones who join that family. Paul says in the third chapter
of Ephesians.
14 ¶
For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15
Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
God has adopted us and
this adoption is more sure than a normal birth. It can never be broken
promising a type of body that can never die.
Romans
8:15 For ye have not received the spirit
of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby
we cry, Abba, Father….23 And not only
they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we
ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting
for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body.
Jesus Himself extended
the meaning of family in relation to Him in the passage starting in Matthew
12:46;
46
¶ While he yet talked to the people,
behold, his mother and his brethren stood without, desiring to speak with him.
47 Then one said unto him, Behold, thy
mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee. 48 But he answered and said unto him that told him,
Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? 49
And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold
my mother and my brethren! 50 For whosoever shall do the will of my Father
which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.
In
Revelation the prime characteristic of the end-time martyrs and, indeed, all
Christians of all times, is to be their willingness to shed their blood for
Christ as they are slandered by Satan continually.
Revelation
12:10 And I heard a loud voice saying in
heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and
the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which
accused them before our God day and night. 11
And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their
testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.
For the key element in a
life for Christ is not holding that life to be greater than the one who gave
it. Paul says in Philippians 3;
7 But what things were gain to me, those I
counted loss for Christ. 8 Yea
doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge
of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and
do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,
9 ¶
And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the
law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is
of God by faith: 10 That I may know him,
and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being
made conformable unto his death; 11 If
by any means I might attain unto (means understand or wrap my mind around;
see Psalm 139:6 and Proverbs 1:5) the
resurrection of the dead. 12 Not as
though I had already attained, either were already perfect (complete and
entire; see Colossians 4:12, James 1:4):
but I follow after, if that I may apprehend (to know, perceive, or
understand) that for which also I am
apprehended of Christ Jesus. 13
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I
do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those
things which are before, 14 I press
toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
Christ paid for the church,
purchased, bought us with His own blood.
Acts
20:28 Take heed therefore unto
yourselves, and to all the flock, over the which the Holy Ghost hath made you
overseers, to feed the church of God, which he hath purchased with his own
blood.
1Corinthians
6:20 For ye are bought with a price:
therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
1Corinthians
7:23 Ye are bought with a price; be not
ye the servants of men.
The
blood that unites believers with God creates a stronger real bond that any
other type of family blood. The proof is the promise of eternal life. When we
receive Christ we receive the Holy Spirit, His Spirit, indwelling us, as
earnest money, a deposit on our inheritance in eternity and the redemption of
our bodies.
Ephesians
1:3 ¶ Blessed be the God and Father of
our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in
heavenly places in Christ: 4 According
as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should
be holy and without blame before him in love: 5
Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to
himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, 6 To the praise of the glory of his grace,
wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. 7 In whom we have redemption through his blood,
the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace; 8 Wherein he hath abounded toward us in all
wisdom and prudence; 9 Having made known
unto us the mystery of his will, according to his good pleasure which he hath
purposed in himself: 10 That in the
dispensation of the fulness of times he might gather together in one all things
in Christ, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in him: 11 In whom also we have obtained an inheritance,
being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things
after the counsel of his own will: 12
That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in
Christ. 13 In whom ye also trusted,
after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom
also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise,
14 Which is the earnest of our
inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise
of his glory.
Make
no mistake. We are in a war as Henry’s English archers were and as American
soldiers, marines, airman, and sailors in every battle from Brandywine to the
Argonne Forest to the deserts of Afghanistan. But our warfare is never carnal
with bombs and planes and bullets. It is spiritual against sin and disobedience
to God within us.
2Corinthians
10:3 For though we walk in the flesh, we
do not war after the flesh: 4 (For the
weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling
down of strong holds;) 5 Casting down
imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge
of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
6 And having in a readiness to revenge
all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.
And it is our union by
way of Christ’s blood that makes us an eternal family, unites Jew and Gentile
into the church of God, and makes each one of us a temple for God’s Spirit to
dwell in.
Ephesians
2:11 ¶ Wherefore remember, that ye being
in time past Gentiles in the flesh, who are called Uncircumcision by that which
is called the Circumcision in the flesh made by hands; 12 That at that time ye were without Christ,
being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers from the covenants
of promise, having no hope, and without God in the world: 13 But now in Christ Jesus ye who sometimes were
far off are made nigh by the blood of Christ.
14 ¶
For he is our peace, who hath made both one, and hath broken down the
middle wall of partition between us; 15
Having abolished in his flesh the enmity, even the law of commandments
contained in ordinances; for to make in himself of twain one new man, so making
peace; 16 And that he might reconcile
both unto God in one body by the cross, having slain the enmity thereby:
17 And came and preached peace to you
which were afar off, and to them that were nigh. 18 For through him we both have access by one
Spirit unto the Father. 19 Now therefore
ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints,
and of the household of God; 20 And are
built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself
being the chief corner stone; 21 In whom
all the building fitly framed together groweth unto an holy temple in the Lord:
22 In whom ye also are builded together
for an habitation of God through the Spirit.
The
earthly family spends its time seeking its own, worshipping Self, and demanding
what it believes is its due. The heavenly family fights against sin and
rebellion against God in its own soul and worships Christ, surrendering Self to
Him while being willing for the Creator of the universe to work through them on
earth.
Mark
8:34 And when he had called the people
unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after
me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
We
have been born again, the second time into a family who will enjoy each other’s
fellowship for eternity, who will not dispute each other there, who will cause
no pain to each other, who will not shun each other’s company, or form cliques
to push aside ones they don’t like or approve of, as human families do. This
family is not based on our blood but on God’s own blood and we will be like
Christ.
We
would do well even now to love our heavenly family as we are compelled to do in
the Bible. Paul gives us several commands of particular importance regarding
our relationships within the church. Read Romans, chapter 12 and 1Thessalonians
5. Remember, we are going to be with
each other and the people from the Baptist church down the road and the people
from the Vietnamese church in the jungles of Southeast Asia and the Liberian
church in West Africa FOR EVER and we would do well to get along with each
other now. This family is based on Christ’s blood, not our own, and we will
answer to Him for our treatment of each other in this family as well as in our
earthly family.
There
are two things that should stand out in our rules concerning our treatment of
each other that are not often talked about. One, if you are what Discovery
channel or Animal Planet people call an “Alpha male” or an “Alpha female” leave
it at home. There is no place for your dominating attitude within the body of
Christ. Neither is their room for your self-righteousness in thinking that
anyone who has not accepted and applied to their own lives your convictions is
less than you. Think of these things in both your relationship with your spouse
and children and in your relationship with your church family.
Romans 12:1 ¶ I
beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your
bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable
service. 2 And be not conformed to this
world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove
what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. 3 For I say, through the grace given unto me,
to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he
ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man
the measure of faith. 4 For as we have
many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: 5 So we, being many, are one body in Christ,
and every one members one of another. 6
Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us,
whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; 7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering:
or he that teacheth, on teaching; 8 Or
he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with
simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with
cheerfulness. 9 Let love be without dissimulation.
Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. 10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with
brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; 11 Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit;
serving the Lord; 12 Rejoicing in hope;
patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; 13 Distributing to the necessity of saints;
given to hospitality. 14 Bless them
which persecute you: bless, and curse not. 15
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. 16 Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind
not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own
conceits. 17 Recompense to no man evil
for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. 18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you,
live peaceably with all men. 19 Dearly
beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is
written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. 20 Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if
he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his
head. 21 Be not overcome of evil, but
overcome evil with good.
The
other is, don’t even let someone get the wrong idea about what you are doing or
your intentions toward them. Evil can be sinful iniquity or it can be malicious
intent, malice, depending on the context. In the following it can go either
way. Again, these things apply to both families.
1Thessalonians 5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.
For
either definition of evil don’t give someone the opportunity to think you are
doing something sinful and don’t give someone the opportunity to think you have
malice in your heart toward them.
And
remember that family that God gave you here on earth, the one that consists of
your blood and perhaps a step-child or adopted children? They are your first
church, with father as pastor, or in some cases mother, when no father is
present. You need to devote yourself to presenting Christ to them in the most
God-glorifying way possible. Examine yourself. Are you presenting yourself as a
Christian to them while you display these godless traits in your speech and
behavior?
Romans 1:29
Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness,
covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity;
whisperers, 30 Backbiters, haters of
God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to
parents, 31 Without understanding,
covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
So
you clearly have responsibilities toward your blood family, your adopted
children, your step-children that have direct implications and consequences in
eternity. But, there are also, as I pointed out, responsibilities that have as
great implications for the family you are in by virtue of your second birth,
the family created not by your blood, but by Christ’s.
Remember,
as you love your earthly family, even the unsaved among them, that you are
called to also love your heavenly family. Do you love each other? Can you even
say that you love God?
1John 4:20 If a
man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth
not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
In
the Bible the word charity is a reference to the quality of a Christian’s love
for his brothers and sisters in Christ.
Colossians 3:12 ¶
Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of
mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; 13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one
another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so
also do ye. 14 And above all these
things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts,
to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in
all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and
spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all
in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.
1Peter 4:8 And
above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover
the multitude of sins.9 Use hospitality
one to another without grudging.10 As
every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as
good stewards of the manifold grace of God.
2Peter 1:5 ¶
And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to
virtue knowledge; 6 And to knowledge
temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to
brotherly kindness charity.
Now, I want to
finish with keeping that definition of charity in mind and I want you to
contemplate this chapter in your future relations with your family in Christ.
1Corinthians 13:1 ¶
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not
charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and
understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so
that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the
poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it
profiteth me nothing.
4 ¶ Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity
envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not
her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in
the truth; 7 Beareth all things,
believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
8 ¶ Charity never faileth: but whether there be
prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease;
whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.
10 But when that which is perfect is
come, then that which is in part shall be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I
understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put
away childish things. 12 For now we see
through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then
shall I know even as also I am known. 13
And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of
these is charity.
If you don’t love
other Christians, don’t kid yourself into saying you love God. It’s a
contradiction.
